Film: The Substance

Tonight, The Hideout again! Promised to be a much better night. Now, this time they beat off some stiff competition - but the film promised to be excellent. The Substance stars Demi Moore as an ageing star who finds her roles drying up as her looks are fading. So when she comes across a miracle drug - "the substance" - on the black market, which promises to restore her to a younger, more beautiful version of herself.. she jumps at it. Of course, it doesn't work out quite as planned. Dennis Quaid plays her boss, who fires her for not being young enough for her TV fitness show. And honestly, I can't remember when I saw a new-release horror film so highly rated.. few enough of any genre are so highly rated! It apparently got a standing ovation at Cannes, perhaps for its castigation of the emphasis on beauty in the media. We were seeing it at the BFI - and after my previous experience with Black & Blue, I returned to The Archduke for food. First time in a couple of months.

I was in the office today, of course - just missed my bus in the morning, had to wait 15 minutes for the next, and ended up slightly late. Terrible traffic. Speaking of feeling old, there was a conversation in the office this evening I'd have loved to be a part of - except I had no common ground with most of it! Not until they mentioned The Simpsons - which didn't seem to resonate with someone else, and the chat broke up.

I was early leaving, having finished a block of work, and decided to walk.. the promised thunderstorms hadn't materialised. And I made the restaurant early too! He showed me straight to a table - I was praying it wouldn't be upstairs, and I'd have to climb the stairs with my laptop.. but, of course it was.. Sitting down, I noticed the table was decidedly sticky. Later, I overheard a nearby table complain of the same thing. She explained that it was some "antibacterial wipe", or some such.. Funny though, I never noticed it before. And they might want to think about changing, or doing without, it - the only other places I've known to have sticky tables are bars where beer has spilt and hasn't been properly cleaned..

Well, I typically have roast chicken here. Which is gorgeous. I've had steak, but whatever I had - I don't remember - I wasn't much impressed by. I felt like something different tonight - so I looked at the Chargrilled section. And lo, they have beef bourgignon there! Gee, I love that.. so that's what I had, and wow, it was notably wonderful..

Had service been quicker, I might have had dessert - as it was, I paid, finished my drink, and left. Now, when I checked, I saw we were headed to the Riverfront Bar - whether upstairs or downstairs, I didn't know. Had a scout around - and bumped into someone else from the group! Unable to see anyone we knew downstairs, we headed upstairs, figuring that was where they normally were - and when we still didn't see anyone there, we plonked ourselves on the nearest seats. Handily, that's exactly where we were supposed to be! and the group leader arrived in due course, and more and more thereafter. And we chatted away until it was time to head to the screen.

No programme notes for this film, I noticed.. but we kind of knew what we were headed for anyway. And wow, they gave it to us in spades.. Fair play to Demi Moore for playing a woman who is still attractive, but not recognised as such, and feels she has to "improve" herself. To be fair, someone else does point her in the direction of this drug.. 

As hinted at in the trailer, Dennis Quaid's character is remarkably unattractive, and yet successful and lauded. And fires her on her 50th birthday. Small wonder she feels in need of some assistance.. her "new" self is suitably gorgeous, steps in as her own replacement. She can wear the skimpy, tight, sexy outfits, she can get the hunky guys, she is getting all the career breaks. All she has to do is look perfect. And giggle on demand. That helps.

The Substance comes with a set of instructions - few enough, actually: given the profusion of tubes, syringes, and vials, I could have done with more myself! Somehow, she does manage to figure out what's what - and out of her back, would you believe, springs her new self. She actually creates a room off her bathroom to have all this private - just as well, all the guys her younger self has over. The rules to be followed are clearly printed on cards that come with the rest of the stuff - each "version" of herself gets a week, then they have to switch over. This must be strictly adhered to.

Well, you can imagine what happens when her younger self starts to have too much fun, and decides she's not ready to give it up just yet..

Or well, you can't really. It's quite inventive. Her older self starts to feel quite isolated, in comparison to her younger self's glamorous lifestyle. And things come to a head when her younger self is offered the chance to host the glittery New Year's Eve party! This, I have to say, is the height of Bacchanalian excess - topless dancers on stage, as the coterie of old men that comprise the shareholders knock around with Dennis Quaid. Glitter falls from the ceiling - all they need is their beautiful young star..

Perhaps in retaliation against all the aforementioned, the last scene turns into a bloody mess - which was something a number of the group didn't like. And I have to agree, it went a bit OTT. The very last moment, however, where the streetsweeper is coming along.. beautifully done, I thought. In all, a film that doesn't really tell us anything we didn't know about beauty in the media, but shines an uncomfortable spotlight on it.

Tomorrow, I'm back to Ireland for the weekend. I had some trouble finding a film - either I'd seen them, or wasn't interested, or they weren't on at a suitable time! Finally settled on Megalopolis - a Francis Ford Coppola film, it's one of those with a roll-call of stars: Adam Driver is the visionary artist who dreams of a Utopia, coming up against the opposition of the greedy mayor, Giancarlo Esposito. Also stars Jon Voight, Laurence Fishburne, Dustin Hoffman, and Jason Schwartzman. It looks like a fantastical re-imagining of ancient Rome in present-day New York.. the characters seem to favour toga-style fashions, and even have ancient Roman names.. Certainly looks interesting. And wouldn't you know it, I have to go to Ennis to get a showing early enough.. Interestingly, these groups are going to the same thing tomorrow night..

On Monday, I'm at Bellringers, back with Up in the Cheap Seats (UITCS) at Hampstead Theatre. Got a good seat from someone in the group who couldn't use it in the end.

On Tuesday, the same group were supposed to be at Cake: The Marie Antoinette Playlist. At The Other Palace. I booked my ticket from Todaytix. Eating beforehand at the Bag o' Nails, where I'd booked before and had to cancel, when my event was cancelled. Except.. guess what happened? The show's run is finishing (very) early! Before this date.. so the event is cancelled, and I got a mail from Todaytix, with a voucher code for the amount spent, to be used for future bookings. I preferred a refund - who knows when I'd get around to using the voucher? Checking the email carefully, I saw a link to the support page to request a refund - clicked the link, went on chat, probably got a bot - but as I had all my details, the process was pretty quick, and I got my refund. Yay. Ironic that I'd only just booked it - ironic, also, that I've now booked for the Bag o' Nails exactly twice, and had to cancel both times.. gee, must be cursed!

I had some trouble finding an alternative - with nothing decent on Meetup or my cheap ticket sites for the day, I was back to Time Out! I had to scroll a long way down, though.. Giant, with John Lithgow, at the Royal Court, was sold out for the day: Shifters, at the Duke of York's Theatre, had no decent seats available for the day at a decent price (and that theatre has plenty of bad seats).. after pages and pages of scrolling through things I didn't want to do, I've finally booked for Coriolanus, starring David Oyelowo, at the National. Eating at The Archduke again. Hmm.. beef bourgignon..

On Wednesday, I finally leave on my long-anticipated trip to Romania with the 45+ Not Grumpies! That afternoon, most of us are flying Ryanair from Stansted, to be met by an English-speaking guide and transferred to the Continental Forum Hotel, in time for an evening tour of Bucharest. (I've already downloaded the Rough Guide to Romania!) Now, just the other day, on the WhatsApp channel for the trip, our guide explained that we'd be going straight on the sightseeing tour when we arrived. Which rang a warning bell for me - when were we going to eat? So I confirmed with her that we'd be better off eating in Stansted - just as well I checked! Mind you, that leaves a long day to get hungry - I think I'll probably eat something on the flight.

Next Thursday, we're heading straight off by coach to Transylvania.. walking tour of Sighisoara, where Vlad the Impaler was born! Staying in the Hotel Korona that night.

On the 4th, we're off to Brasov - apparently has the narrowest street in the country. Walking tour, staying in Hotel Kolping that night.

And on the 5th, we're headed to Bran - for the famous castle - and Sinaia, for Peles Castle - before heading back to Bucharest for our flights home.

Safely back - hopefully - on the 6th, I had booked with Cultureseekers for the Charlie Chaplin Guided Walk. Finishing at The Jolly Gardeners Pub. But you know - yesterday, Over 40 Living the Life advertised a trip to the Immigrant Comedy Show at the Camden Comedy Club. And I'm guaranteed to have a good time with them, which I probably wouldn't with Cultureseekers - which I hadn't yet paid for.. so I've booked for that now instead. Could technically go to both, but I couldn't be a***d. And this gives me a chance to try out the food at the Blues Kitchen Camden, which is right across the road..

And on the 7th, back with UITCS, who are off to Southwark Playhouse for Foreverland - more biotechnology SciFi.. possibly less spooky than The Substance! Booked, as usual, on their excellent PAYG offer, where you pay in advance for discounted tickets to five shows, no time limit..