Film: The Phoenician Scheme & Storytelling: Psalms from the Horse's Mouth

Yesterday, the second of two days of film, I headed with Movie Roadhouse London (MRL) to The Phoenician Scheme, at Regent Street Cinema. This isn't terribly highly rated, although the rating is rising - but it's Wes Anderson, so I figured I'd probably love it. Stars Benicio del Toro as a multi-millionaire with a desperate money-making scheme, Michael Cera as the family tutor, Scott Shepherd as a reporter, Willem Dafoe, F. Murray Abraham as a prophet, Rupert Friend as a US government official "Mr. Excalibur", trying to scupper the plan, and, whom I hadn't noticed in the cast list, Tom Hanks as an investor, Bill Murray as God (insert joke here..), Scarlett Johansson as Benicio del Toro's second wife, Charlotte Gainsbourg as his first wife and the mother of his children, Bryan Cranston as Reagan, and an unrecognisable Benedict Cumberbatch as Benicio del Toro's brother, in a beard and eyeliner.. and Mia Threapleton, who plays Benicio del Toro's daughter, a novice nun, turns out to be Kate Winslet's daughter! Booked to eat at Cote St. Christopher's Place beforehand.

I arrived slightly early for my booking - a frazzled server had just sat a large party, whom I'm not sure had a booking at all, and when she came to me and I said I was a little early, she freaked entirely when she couldn't find the booking. Asked which site I'd booked it with, which I had no idea - as I was trying to find the booking, she managed it and seated me, all the while complaining about the heat. For all that, service was excellent throughout, from her and others. I was inside, but facing the outside seating, on what was a lovely, sunny day.. and during a lovely meal, decided what a great idea of mine this had been. This area is certainly one of the nicer places to eat in central London.

They asked whether I'd like dessert, but sadly I didn't have time if I wanted to meet the others. A short-ish walk there - I'd have eaten closer, but options are a bit sparse. The organiser was already in the bar, so I grabbed a drink - very good value - and joined him. I'd never been here before:

A good crowd duly arrived - some newcomers - and good conversation was had before we proceeded to Screen 1 - known for being steeply raked, and made famous as the location in Black Bag where the characters go to the cinema! Well, I made it at last..

Hmm. Whatever can I say about this film with the lorryload of stars? (Must have been fun on set.) Mia Threapleton steals the show, fully convincing as the deadpan nun who unwillingly becomes heir to a fortune (Benicio del Toro prefers her to her brothers, for some reason) and has a great capacity for rolling with whatever the film throws at her - plane crashes, alcohol, the romantic intentions of Michael Cera - who is delightfully besotted with her. It's just.. that's kind of as good as it gets. The jokes are there, but they're kind of phoned in - the plot is all over the place, and as reviewers have noted, with such a stellar cast, it's tragic to see them so underused. This is kind of Wes Anderson-by-numbers - ok, but I wouldn't be rushing to see it.

Afterwards, the organiser announced he was peckish, and invited whoever wanted to join him to come to Burger & Lobster. I'd eaten, of course, but said I'd accompany them - and more convivial chat was had! I had some more wine, and for food, decided to try the wagyu croquettes, one of the starters, just out of curiosity. Well, dunno that I was massively impressed with the croquettes - but wow, the sauce was to die for! I'd come back, just to experience that again..

And so home.

But the day had run on for longer than expected, and it ran too late to blog last night. Because today, I had a long-booked return to storytelling from the Crick Crack Club (CCC) at the British Museum - this was Psalms from the Horse's Mouth, by Hugh Lupton. Now, I always book these things as soon as I hear about them - months in advance. Which can lead to problems when I'm looking for the ticket. Sure enough, checking as I was about to leave today, I couldn't find it in either of my email accounts.. what I did find, however, was a message from the BM, informing me of a venue change within the museum. Which confirmed two things - firstly, I had booked a ticket (phew - it did once happen that I forgot, and thought I'd booked it, only to discover, on the day, that I hadn't and it was now sold out!) and secondly, that this was the email address I'd used. Sure enough, there it was in the recycle bin..

Now, the museum can be a nightmare to get into, and I'm used to long queues - so I always aim to be there an hour beforehand, in case. And I was. So it was with some surprise that, as I approached, I couldn't see a queue! Mind you, there was one inside.. I might have known, they'd directed the queue the other way for once. And I was to be glad I was early - although it only took 20 minutes, today, to get through the entrance. And with the shorter queue inside for those with exhibition tickets, as this is classified, plus a queue that suddenly opened for people with "small bags" (including me), it only took another 10 minutes to get through security. Half an hour altogether, and I was in time to grab something at the cafe - I had the most delectable ham and cheese baguette, which they obligingly cut in half for me.

By the time I was finished that and headed downstairs, the doors were open - I flashed my rescued ticket and went in. No need to rush - the place was half empty! Now, this event has a habit of selling out, so this was a surprise - in fact, the MC, Ben Haggarty, came on to apologise, and advise us that they'd be starting a bit late, to accommodate the people stuck in that unusually bad queue, due to building works. (Huh?! I once missed the start because I was stuck in the queue, but on that occasion it was 45 minutes long..) I rather think the couple in front of me might have had more of an insight, as one remarked to the other, it was probably due to a lot of people being away for the bank holiday.

In due course, on came Ben again, to introduce Hugh Lupton - who, yes, did make use of the sundry instruments on stage, although I've heard them used better, TBH. Still, good effort. He'd sourced stories from around the world, chosen for their use of horses - and a motley bunch they were. Some were short, but really enjoyable. I particularly liked the West African one of the king who, on his deathbed, asked his three sons to find the truest thing, and the least true thing, in the kingdom. 

The first returned dragging, by the scruff of the neck, the Archbishop, and the Prime Minister. "Very good", said his father, "but which is which?" His son couldn't answer.

The second returned bearing an old portrait of the king as a young man, and a mirror, in which he could see himself as he was now. "Very good", said the king, "but which is which?" His son couldn't answer.

The third son brought in two boxes. The king opened them, to discover two tongues - his son explained that one was a man's tongue, one a horse's tongue. "So", the king asked, "which is true, and which false?" The son pointed out that a horse could speak great wisdom and still be dismissed as a dumb animal, whereas a man can speak the greatest foolery and be considered wise. He was given the kingdom.

At one point, Hugh played a tune on a recorder - and damned if I can remember the name, but I'm sure I know it! and half-sure it's Irish. No words, so impossible to search for lyrics online.. nuts, that's really gonna bug me.

Some poetry weaved its way into this performance - in particular, one real-life story that he described to us, about a woman who'd grown up with horses, and was now an old woman in a nursing home. The ending was both startling and beautiful. Another couple of his offerings were told in verse - Ben, giving the closing speech, described him as the only poet-storyteller in the UK..

Foraging for food afterwards, I headed back to Il Castelletto - busier than I remember! I was seated without problem though, down the back. I didn't fancy calamari for starter, as I normally have here, having had them yesterday in Cote - nor did I think I'd manage a garlic flatbread. So I just ordered some "house bread" - Sicilian, it came a bit burnt, but nice and warm, with butter. Whatever the delay in serving it, however, it arrived so late that I only got one slice eaten before my main arrived!

As usual, I had the chicken with mushroom. Now, last time I was here, I thought the chicken was a little tough at the edges - this time, it was worse: edible, but definitely chewy. Anyway, I found it all too much for me, and didn't finish the potatoes, lovely as they were. I left space for a portion of ice cream. Anyway, I needed some shopping, then took the bus home - and about halfway there - O Lordy, dinner started to come through! A pain in my stomach, which I recognised as trapped wind, moved its way down to my bowels - and now it was going to be a race to the toilet. Never have I so wanted a bus to move faster.. as I alighted and scuttled towards home, I prayed that the doors would be open - and so they were, with my flatmate sitting outside, as he has the habit of doing. I made my apologies as I galloped past him to the bathroom, which I didn't reach one moment too early. Obviously the dinner's fault - and it occurs to me to wonder whether that chicken might have been on the turn..

The next two days, thinking of film again - tomorrow, I was thinking of Stray Dog, a 1949 Kurosawa film set in Tokyo about a young police officer whose guns is stolen. Showing in the Garden Cinema. And wouldn't you know it, MRL has now picked it up! So I'll be going with them. Wonder where they got the idea..? So I've booked now - it was beginning to sell out anyway.

And on Tuesday, I was thinking of heading to The Marching Band at last, which by that stage is showing in the Cine Lumiere. But lo, then Up in the Cheap Seats advertised Diagnosis, at the Finborough Theatre, which sounded interesting enough that I changed my plans and am going with them instead. Cheaper tickets available from seat fillers, mind you. And it turns out there's now an Indian restaurant, Yogi's, downstairs - so I've booked to eat there, and the organiser says she'll join me for a drink!

Wednesday is the May Social from The Hideout and MRL, in the BFI as usual - upstairs at The Riverfront.

And on Thursday, storytelling from CCC again! This time at Folklore Hoxton - and it's Maui Trickster. Where, considering what a nightmare it is to get to the understaffed bar, I might get two drinks to be going along with.. Eating at The Blues Kitchen beforehand, and my companion from the Swiss trip says she'll join me. Then I'm back to Ireland for the weekend - it was booked already, and I have stuff to do there.